Timely tips

Note to those for whom getting there first is a novelty: There are ways of coping with this predicament, which even for the reliably late is sometimes unavoidable.

The departure

• Relax. If necessary, plan to be late yourself.
• Make them come to you.
• Tell them to meet at 9:30 when the real time is 10.
• Arrange your own transportation; don't depend on them.
• Don't leave until you have called and verified their departure time. Then call again to verify their actual departure.
• Give them your itinerary and let them catch up.

The wait

• Never buy them tickets before they've arrived.
• Never let them buy or hold yours.
• Meet at a bookstore or other browsable site.
• Be sure a pay phone is handy.
• If at home, clean house while you wait; it lets you keep busy while still worrying about where they are.
• Meet at their place; you won't have to expose yourself to waiting in public, and you can nag them to get going.
• Bring a magazine. (A book is too weighty, physically and intellectually, and thus pathetic.)
• Order without them.
• Leave before they show up.

The arrival

• Be sure to be doing something when they finally come, then pick one of the following strategies, depending on your pride level:
• Act as if all went according to plan; exact revenge later.
• Don't stint on dirty looks, but say nothing.
• Throw a fit, with tears if possible.